Wednesday, September 12, 2007

-Insecurity-

It’s been really bad for this silly girl as I start to think more and more. The feeling of insecurity is really tearing me down. I constantly remind myself that things aren’t as bad as they may seem to be but deep inside, my heart says otherwise. If you were to ask me if anything happened, I can be very definite that everything is okay. It’s just me, just me losing confidence in everything.

I used to think that I can make you love me and now that you said you love me, I began to hesitate. Is it really the love that I’ve been looking for all along? I’m confused. Maybe we've taken too big a step. Now the feeling of love is turning into uncertainty. It must have been my fault to takes things too fast. I felt like I rushed to make this decision which now I'm uncertain of.

This is not a good sign for us both. Love isn't meant to be this way. I just don’t know what’s with me recently. I'm beginning to hate talking to you cause I'm often lost at words. I just don't know what to talk about. Do we really not have anything to talk about? Or am I losing interest in the things we used to talk about? Talking to you used to be so relaxing but now its all stress for me. Perhaps it was better off when we were just friends. I want to think no more. The idea of giving up sucks.

I know that I do trust you and I do love you. But, when I start to look at you, my mind becomes uncertain. I used to feel so happy to see you smiling at me but now, I sense fake smiles. Am I losing the ability to make you smile sincerely? I really don’t want to know.

Walking back into my dream, I saw myself hiding at the corner, crying. While you, you were holding onto this very familiar hand which was not mine. Then again on another day, I dreamt and I saw you holding onto my hand. Its not the same hand, the same hand that you held in the dream before. I felt like a replacement, a person to replace something you've lost. I woke up to see myself crying and felt really disturbed.

Is it still a dream this time? It seems so real to me. I could even feel the heartache within. Perhaps its plain jealousy that makes me feel insecure.

I do believe that somethings are better off unknown but I just like to dig my nose into everything. It's just like, pouring salt into my own bleeding wound.
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I hate to see myself being like this.

-Another night of heartaches and tears-

Please make me love you?

-Emo.QueeN-

I am Sleepyhead
Age : 90
Location : Ipoh
Occupation : part-time sales staff, full time slacker
Hobby : act blur, *pokes*, *bite* ppl

Em0tiONs-`y0uWEreNev3RtHeREwHeNiNeEd3dY0urL0vE
Sometimes, I do wonder how you define LOVE?
My definition :-
It is love when I feel happy to see you smile.
It is love when you keep appearing in my mind.
It is love when I'm willing to do just everything for you.
It is love when you say you love me, and tears start forming in my eyes.
It is love when I start to feel weird without you.
It is love when I am willing to let you go for your happiness.
It is love when we can understand each other without having to say much.
What about your definition?